My husband is in the army national guard. we just moved to washington and all of the units here are well. they're gone. he could be put in a unti about 4 hours away and not go till next year but we discussed it and it's silly to avoid the inevitable. Besides eh's been in the guard for 7 years now Many times holding full time positions. He is a field medic and a quartermaster ( supply). Well I just found out that he will be deployed most likely by the end of the month maybe if we're lucky it'll be after our daughter's birthday in june ( the 16th) I thought I was prepared for this but i don't know that i am. My stomache is acheing and it's all i can do to keep from crying. You have to understand that before i met this man i was married to an abusive man ( my daughter's birth father) and i never thought i'd meet someone that i could love forever and trust and marry. I've found all these things in this man and more. He is the best father and the best husband ever and i will miss him greatly.
to make matters worse i don't know anyone here. my in laws live in boiuse ( 8 hours away ) and all my family is in mo or ca. i'm going to a crop today for the first time and meeting people so hopefully i'll make some new friends but i'm scared and upset.


how do you deal with your husbands being away? How do you do it? how do you keep from worrying everyday and all night?

i'm sorry but i had to post something. i didn't know what else to do. i have to go pick him up from the armory in a few minutes and I don't want to seem a mess and upset him.

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DH is finally home! God Bless the troops that replaced him

Tanya,

I really feel for you. My husband was in the military for 20 years (Air Force). You know it's always "possible"... but you don't think much about it until it happens. My husband went during the first Gulf War. I won't tell you the agony I went through, and all the "what if's" I thought of because you've already thought of them... and more.

I do have some ideas for dealing with it that I hope will help. One of the first things you might try is getting in contact with the spouses of the other people in his group/squadron. See if you can get them to set up regular "meetings" ... they don't have to be anything formal... even a pot luck picnic will work. The people who will understand MOST are the ones who are in the same situation with you!

If you are so inclined, join a church and see if there's a group there you can get active with. Spiritual support can be very comforting during times like this. AND, many churches have "fun" activites that will help you get through tough times.

If you have the time, try volunteering somewhere. Meals on Wheels often needs people, a childrens shelter, a room monitor at a grade school, the local library... there are all kinds of places that would be more than happy to have an extra heart and hands.

I guess my point here is: KEEP BUSY. Anything that will help you focus on something else, even if it's just for brief periods of time, WILL help.

Oh, and last: Invest in some bubble bath, a nice tea, a good book, lovely music, whatever makes YOU feel calm and relaxed. INDULGE yourself, pamper yourself... You will then have something for yourself....

Hugs and good thoughts,

Tandika

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HI Miss Tanya
I have only had a very small taste of what it could be like. We moved in January to a small town just over four hours from where I lived where we know nobody. My husband had to stay behind for work so he lives there at his parents house Monday to Thursday and then drives up to be with us from Friday to Sunday. Us being my daughters 7 years and 15 months and I am 37 weeks pregnant with number 3.
I dont have the worry of the military /going to war threat but I panic knowing he is doing that long drive on a notorious stretch of road 4 times a week.
I have made a few friends by chatting to people at my daughters school. One I get a long with very well so if you are in a position to collect your child from school if she is old enough strike up a conversation. The other way I made friends was to have my dd invite her friends to play and I would also invite over the mother for a coffee when she dropped off or picked up her child.
A crop sounds like a great idea and I am sure there will be some military wives that can give you even more hints.
Good luck

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I just wanted to thank you both for posting on this for me. I appreciate your compassion and support very much. Good news is a I had a great time at the cro i went to ( meet the gal at two peas) her and her twin are only 1 year older than me and their friends that were there were around the same age as well some with kids and some without. They were all wonderful and the hostess was gracious enough to invite me to a crop she was going to at a lss. I actually did 8 yes 8 paper lo's! some were double pages! all 12 x12 and i tried new things to me and had a great time. I have new ideas for my digital scrapbook and i have some new friends. I'll be making a lo of our crop soon. I still hope to make more friends and to do more to keep myself busy. I'm going to be taking 12 credits at the community college this fall to finish my degree i started before madison was born ( only 3 classes and they are fun: ps , photography, and yoga)

I did start going to a church a few weeks ago. we finally found one to try. we went twice now and will be going back tomorrow.

Volunteering is a great idea. I think their is a private/coop school here where it is ran by community members and they always need volunteers. while my daughter is only almost 3 and does not attend school i still would love to help as i really love the idea of this active parenting/ teaching type school where the parents volunteer and keep the school running.

I agree that keeping busy will be important. keeping busy in positive ways that involve me getting out of the house often. I was just so upset that posting was the only thing that kept me from crying my eyes out. I'm feeling a little better for now.

thank you so much for your kindness and letting my cry on your shoulders

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DH is finally home! God Bless the troops that replaced him

My husband is going to speak with a recruiter soon about joining the Air Force....something I am not very excited about in this uncertain time right now. So, soon I may be in the same boat as you...I will keep you posted as to what we decide and may also be crying on your shoulder one day.
Laura

Advise given so far has been right on target! You have to build a support network, it is the only way to go. I've been fortunate that so far I have only had to deal with 2wk - 1 mo at a time being seperated from my military husband. But, I have been on the other end, supporting friends who's hubbys have been gone for much longer, one as much as 2 years. We call and check up on our friends, we get them out.... we just need to know that you need us! Most bases will allow you to do volunteer work for them and they will provide free daycare. There are lots of things that the military does for the spouses left home... free weekly phone calls to your deployed spouse, a monthly night out time for free daycare, each base is different. Visit the family support center, they are a great resource.

PM me anytime you need support or just want to chat.

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Kari
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{{{Miss Tanya}}} Wishing you comfort in this time of need....I have no experience with this type of situation except the time my DH wouldbe working away from home for several weeks at a time and only coming home every second Saturday only to leave very early Monday morning....leaving me with 2 kids 3 and 8 months. I'm glad to read you had a great time at the crop and have met some friends....you've always got us as well!!! {{{Miss Tanya}}}

My hubby is the Marines, he will be getting out this summer. I have been fortunate, Jonathan has only been gone a few weeks at the most. I have friends that have gone through the long deployments, and I know it is really hard. Just know that it won't last forever, and that the first long deployment is always the worst. We have a support group here, but never took advantage of it b/c Jonathan has never been gone very long. But, I know that they offer lots of support. Good luck and just think about a wonderful homecoming! -Ali

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Ali Folendore
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