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General Byte Chat Thread, I need Journaling help .. again... and yes I know I am needy... in Scrappers Community; Ok I have a photo of dd... on It's a small world she is in my lap clapping along ...
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Old 05-09-2008
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Red face I need Journaling help .. again... and yes I know I am needy...

Ok I have a photo of dd... on It's a small world she is in my lap clapping along with the song.. and the flash hit her eyes just right there is a bit of a sparkle... So far I have gone thought about a thousand drafts of the journaling on this thing... and just could not get the feelings right so I decided on more of a poem feel... So this is what i Have....

I need advise PLEASE... Is it ok what needs to be changed what would you add???? PLEASE do share you so wont hurt my feelings...


The sparkle in her eyes,
the smile on her face,
and tiny hands clap as It's a
small world plays for the 100th time.

Lights,sound and movement....Watching
with wonderment as 1000's of dolls dance.

This is what childhood was meant to be....
every day should be just like this...



grammar and punctuations help is also welcome hehe
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Old 05-09-2008
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This is so sweet! I can just picture the magic of the moment!! I really don't think you need to change a thing, but if you are looking for something ... what about making it rhyme?? I don't know if that makes it too cheesy, but here's my attempt:

Your eyes are sparkling,
As you clap your little hands,
Singing "It's a Small World"
And watching thousands of dolls dance.

You are thrilled,
Enthralled, in total bliss ...
I wish every one of your days
Would be just like this.
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Last edited by petulantfem; 05-09-2008 at 07:04 PM.
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Old 05-09-2008
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the only thing I'd change is wonderment to just wonder. Other than that I think it's perfect.
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Old 05-09-2008
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It sounds lovely.
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Old 05-13-2008
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Thank you everyone,... I think i will change the wodernent... and leave the rest alone... thanks again Ladies
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Old 05-13-2008
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I think it's lovely!
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