My two kids 14 & 13 stayed at my SIL house this weekend (they went home with her friday night about 9 pm after a mother's day supper for my mother) and we were suppose to meet later this after noon and transfer kids. But now my mother called at 8:30am and told me that my SIL has too much going on to have the kids there (she has two kids who are almost the exact same age) my dd went with her dd to work yesterday as did my ds go with her ds and his father to work.
Ok I get that she is busy, her oldest son graduates next weekend. They had a special church event for the graduating senior and a special lunch at church.
They are almost at the end of building a HUGE new house and she was in town yesterday getting the last minute items like door knobs and such!
I get that she is busy...I really do and I understand that, I didn't know about this church thing until today and what it was about.
What makes me mad is my mother calling me and talking non-stop for minutes over how busy and stressed out SIL is! And that is going to get my kids so they can't go to church with my brother and his family. And that the kids will be mad and upset but she didn't care because SIL is just over worked and worn out!!!! And would I meet here with the kids about 10am which is approximately 5-6 hours eariler then what me and SIL planned yesterday. I talked with SIL yesterday morning when she stopped her and she never said one word of this to me or her feelings, I wish she had, said all of this friday night! My kids didn't need to go there, she never tells her kids NO on anything and they are all old enough to understand all of this!
I often tell my kids no when they ask to go up north! It is life and you can't always do what you want, but since she NEVER says no to her kids I always look like the bad parent to my kids cuz I say NO!
And drag their little butts home with me from a daily visit there!
Anyway, Finally I had enough and I asked my mom "Are you blaming me?" she kind of laughed and said oh no, but I just know how busy SIL is and she doesn't need your kids there!!!!! sorry here WTH!!!!

Ok me and my mother have never seen eye to eye on anything! My mother rarely see's my kids, why couldn't she spend a few hours this afternoon talking and being with my kids? Instead of grabbing them from SIL house and meeting me at 10:30 with them?
My mother who lived next door when I had my first two babies, never even brought me a hotdish for supper while I was recoperating from the births. Not even when I had my 3rd & 4th kid did she ever come out and help with one thing (concerning my oldest two kids then) and I had a bad pregnancy and birth with the 3rd one. I was bed ridden for a month and she never lifted a finger to help me!!!

Mom actually used to call me when all the kids were little and if I was taking a nap, she would bawl me out. If I didn't dress my kids to her standards she always had critizim for me!! But if during a phone conversation I mentioned that I would call SIL, mom would tell me "Oh not right now she is taking a nap!!!" SIL also has 4 kids just like I do!
Oh and don't get me wrong I totally love and adore both my SIL & my brother.

Now on the other hand my SIL mother who was late 60's & 70's when her kids were born. Moved in with her to help with the house and the older kids. SIL has 4 sisters who help each other with things like families are suppose to. SIL has a wonderful husband and a magical fairy tale life! Honestly everything is PERFECT for them and their children! They are wonderful wonderful people and I am honestly so happy for my SIL that she has this type of family that supports her! They have lived behind my parents their whole married life and her kids get to go to grandmas all the time and anytime they want!

Now I am not trying to play the single working mother card here! BUT I had to move away from my family as ex wouldn't sell the house to me and refused to move out! My family wouldn't help me get away from the situation! Now that I am out they are happy that I am finally OK! However they never come here and lend a helping hand for anything! I have completely remodled my own house, I do all my own yard work. I take care of everything, work and my kids all alone! So I suppose to my mother I should not overworked or burned out being a single mother with no one to help me or lift a hand!!

Man it bites feeling like a 14 yr old again when I am almost 43. I have and am raising my kids and they have all turned out quiet well!

Oh yeah another thing at supper that night, mom made smug mention that I would be lucky if I got my youngest dd through teenage hood without getting PG like I did with my other dd who is almost 21! I couldn't stop myself I said "Mom you know what one of my goals is in life? It is to make sure that my children all know how not to get pg because it really is such an easy thing for a mother to do for her children and it will affect their whole life!"
I was PG at the age of 16 because of her bad attitude about me being a girl-child that she didn't like!

eeerrrr going to get dressed to drive and go meet up with her and figure out how to put a smile on my face when I see her!

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I wanted to give you a hug, but cannot find a hug emoticon, so used a sad face instead, it's obvious that the problem isnt with your SIL it's with your Mum, it baffles me as to why she has helped your brother and sil out so much, but couldnt be there for you when you gave birth to your children.

Maybe you should sit down and talk with her? And in all honesty, I think you should ask your SIL whether it was a problem that your children where there, I mean she didnt say anything in the morning did she? Has your Mum took it upon herself to speak for your sil? Find out, and if she has then you really need to sort it out with both of them, you need to let your sil know what your Mum said.

Also for your Mum to say that your daughter might not get through her teenage years without getting pregnant, I personally think is wrong, very very very wrong, she shouldnt be making assumptions like that, sorry if I've took that out of context but that's the way I read it, you sound like an amazing woman, your bringing your children up to the best of your abilities, you never ask for help/assistance, if I where you I'd be proud...and dismiss any negative things she says to you, you said you've never got on with her, why is that?

I'm sorry that your feeling the way your feeling, and I really do hope you sort things out with your Mum.

Take care, big hugs Susie x

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Oh Tracy, some people are so stuck on themselves that they can't see anyone else and their needs.

I'm sorry hon. Really I am! No real answers, just a *hug* for ya.

How did the graduation get together turn out at church?

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big huggles, you know...your mom and my mom must be sisters

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Happy Scrappings, Carin

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<<<<BIG HUGS>>>> Tracey, I'm right there with you - Carin's mom, your mom and my mom could have been triplets! Since I lost my mom 3 years ago, I've found it hard to come to grips with a lot of the feelings I've had about how she treated me or talked to others about me versus the way she treated my brother. Kudos to you for being able to vent. I only wish I had an opportunity like Susie advises - take advantage of this time to get it out in the open.

Love ya Girl!

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Ok back home!

Susie, Oh I know it was all my mother's doing getting my kids from SIL! I talked to my kids on the way home and they said that auntie went out both nights they were there! Yes she does love to have fun in a very small town where almost everyone is family and friends your whole life! So if she truely was burned out and tired (lol) I am sure that those two night either contributed to that or possibly helped her get over it! hehehe

It was my SIL mother who helped her out during the baby phases, my mother didn't help her in the house during those times either. But then again SIL had her own mother who helped without ever a question about whether she would or not!

Why I have never gotten along with my mother: Even as a young child I remember thinking how different my mother was compared to what I saw of other mothers. Now as I am grown I see it even clearer and only remember how it hurt me and angered me as a child.
She says the damnest things:
"I will never love you as much as I love your children (her grandchildren)"? WTH
Heck I never once remember hearing my mother say I was cute as a child, she gets mad at me when I say it about my kids...aren't they beautiful!! I just did this to her AGAIN the other night at supper! I said about my oldest dd...she is so comical and animated in her story telling she just makes you crack up and laugh at her antics! I said...Isn't she pretty! My mom said in a stern voice...don't say that, it will go to her head! OMG It should be screamed from the roof tops that my dd is beautiful inside and out! It is her insides that make her outside beautiful just glow and engluf those around her!
(This goes for all my children btw!
She never told us kids that she loved us! I remember growing up and just feeling that she didn't love us. That in a way she resented us. she always talked about painful horrible births! Hey not our fault! Her big one was me, I was supposedly a 10 month pregnancy ??? 8lbs 10 ozs and during the hottest aug she can ever remember! I honestly think she held that against me.
When I got pg at 16 her exact words were "Well we can always hope for a miscarriage!" She got her wish! See 24 yrs later and I am still crying over those damn words! I wasn't a wild child out of control. I worked since the age of 12, I helped cook and clean the house. I stayed home and read books in my bedroom while the rest of my friends were out at parties. I wasn't allowed to date until I was a junior and late 15 year old. I was the youngest kid in my class (most kids in my class were either 16 or 17) because I started school too young and I could read comic books. I suppose that was mom's way of getting me out of the house! LOL
She was and is just one of those women who never should have had children! About the best thing that has happened because of her being like this is I am NOTHING LIKE MY MOTHER!!! And for that I am so eternally thankful!

Anyway I have tried throught the years to talk with her, I have forgiven her as much as my heart can handle. It is just times like this when things said just bring up all these old pains!

Thank you Gina! I know about people being selfish and rightous, it is just not in me to be that way! I just wish it wasn't so with my mother! I don't know how the grad thing at church went becasue the kids didn't get to go and I live an hour away and wasn't asked to attend! As I said before I know this was not my SIL's doing at ALL! I don't even need to ask her this question. I love her like a sister and I have known her my whole life since her and my brother started dating in the 9th grade!

Carin you have my hugs and sympathy also sweetie!! Ya know what's funny my aunts (her sisters) are nothing like this with their children! Mom was the baby of her family of 8 siblings...maybe that has something to do with her attitude and not being able to share anything and always wanting things her way! ROFL

I will get past all this and buck up..I always have and always do!
PS: God never gives you more then you can handle and baby he thinks I am a mule! Lord help me!

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Thank you Silly! So a question to both you and Carin where are you at in the placement of your families? First, middle, youngest?
Only girl or many girls?
I just honestly don't get it. I have 2 boys and 2 girls! I treat them all IDENTICAL and tell them all individually what makes each one of them special to me! Not all have the exact same qualities...but darn they are all 100% equally loved and cherished!
How are you all doing in comparision to what your mother's did and acted like?
I thank god that my girl children love me and tell me that! I know that I will not have this issue with my children as they grow older. Sure the complain about the little things.
Oldest son I know find out hated to clean out the barn and weed the garden! Yeah well I didn't like doing it either but we sure liked the results! He is mad that one of his chores was to chip a hole in the ice on the pond in the winter so the horses could drink! lol
But sweetie, look at the man you turned out to be...responsible!

Oldest daughter doesn't bring up anything bad that she remembers. She actuall will tell a story of me getting after her and laughs while she relates what she was actually thinking during me scolding her! hehehe she really is a like dork!

My youngest two...I guess I have to wait and see the results living like this will have on them! They may not fondly remember some days of our lives and the hardships we have to endure. But I hope they will always remember my actions and words fondly!

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Tracey, I can totally relate! I used to think all mothers were ideal, except mine! But after reading the above posts, I see that a lot of them aren't. Now, when I was 12 my mom told all of us that she had leukemia and had 2 years to live.........so of course we were all so nice to her. Well here it is 42 years later and she's still alive & kicking! No symptoms of leukemia...ever! Now top that! I could tell you countless stories like this....you would think I made it all up! And the thing is, you cannot confront her- she will deny everything and make you feel like a dirt clod!

I find that living far away from her is the answer. True, we didn't get all the "help" when birthing etc., but I believe I was better off. I have been hurt over & over by her, have NO relationship with any of my relatives...no doubt due to her "stories" about us, and I have had to deal with it, though at times very hard to do.
I am very thankful that my husband's family has been near by and are "normal". I wouldn't trade them for anything! We have been married for 29 years, and this has been my salvation. My kids have turned out well..we always taught them to work hard and explained all about grandma to them all along.

<<<<<<<hugssssssssss>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> to you! You have friends here!

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