Ok am I being sensitive here? - Page 3 - SBB Digital Scrapbooking Forums | Scrapbook-Bytes

Tracey R (Haley64) · #17 (**permalink**) 05-20-2007

Wow Brenda and Shelleyrae...no wonder I love it here so much!

Brenda I am sincerely so happy for you that you have the mother I always wanted!! God Bless you hon and as you know by now how extrememly lucky you are!! {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Thank you for your vote of confidence in how I have rasied my family!

SR, yes universal and covers all lifestyles of families! I am the only child to move 1 hour away and it does help most weeks and months!
Keep the distance, keep the civilality!

Well I guess we could always been teenagers together again! LOL

acheese89 · #18 (**permalink**) 05-21-2007

Sorry you're going through these feelings Tracey. Sounds to me like you've done not a thing wrong.

nanay2angels · #19 (**permalink**) 05-21-2007

{{HUGS}} Tracey! Mother-daughter relationships are really tricky! My mom and I are so-so. Not the best of friends, but not a hurtful relationship either.
And I agree with Brenda, you look like you've turned out to be a great mom so kudos to you!

Carinspixels · #20 (**permalink**) 05-21-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haley64

Thank you Silly! So a question to both you and Carin where are you at in the placement of your families? First, middle, youngest?

Tracey, i'm the youngest of 2, my brother is 2 years older, he has a photographic memory, is professor old english, english and gaelic. He was a straight A student. Has the highest level of education and he was uhmm a potatobag when he was young, when mom said jump, he would ask how high. He's a marionette doll still attached to mom with his belly cord....

I'm born out of a rape *we both have the same father* my mother has always blaimed me for being born. To top it my twin sister died during birth. She takes every opertunity that i'm the bad 1 from the 2, and on more then 1 occasion she told me my sister should have lived and I should have died. Like wishful thinking you know.....When I was younger and went to highschool I was always trying to please the old lady, when I had an A- she still wasnt pleased, my brother was just better. Never once did she wait for tea when I came home from school, that was my brothers luxery. never once did she came to a schoolplay, my horseride lessons, or jumping matches, my ballet recitals NEVER.....

I ran away from home when I was 14, when my mom brought home her 3th drugaddict ex delinquent boyfriend. He was abbusive to me and my brother and I went to the police with broken noses on more then 1 occasion. My mom always said I put it on myself because I had a big mouth.......Well nobody will ever broke my kids nose, no matter what, specially not an adult!!! I didnt ask to be hit, raped and molested by her dirty boyfriends, never once did I say, hey you break my nose, or rape me....but well she claims differently.

I've always thought it was myself to blaim. Now my brother is 34 i'm 32. When my brother seems to forget 1 of the girls birthdays AGAIN. I call him up myself to ask if he lost the invitation, then mom calls me back 10 minutes later to NOT bother my brother with such futilities. My brother is a busy man, he doesnt have time to play around. WEll hello BUSY??? he teaches on the university 20 hours a week, I have 3 kids......who will be more busy?

Anyways she adores my DS, she neglects my girls just the same, they get pyamama's for the birthdays, my DS gets toys, gameboy games, PS games, expensive gifts.....
When my DS has his birthday they are always here.
I've asked her last year what the heck she has against girls....
it's simple girls get victims of the system, getting raped, being pregnant, girls are hidious, a mistake of nature and so on. So my reply to mom, but your a girl....
NOOO she's uplifted above all....

When we told her we would go to Egypt for a week, she only said, I only take Jeroen inside the home when you both crash.....Now thats MY mom....She's just a nasty bitch, she gave live to me and I'm thankful for that, but that's all. I visit her once a month, be polite and sit up, and make sure ALL my kids get the same attention. Since Jeroen is 10 he's not allowed to sleep over with her anylonger, since she was planting those ideas in his head as well, and he came home with the attitude he could say and do anything cause grandma said he was superieur. That was the drop for me, and since then he's forbidden to see her alone!!!

Now my mom is a normal dutch woman, no cultural thing or something, and we dutch people are raised and founded that EVERYONE is equal, no matter which religion, gender, race or color....

I will NEVER be like my mom, I know DS is smart, he will make it far when it comes to learning, he's socially disabled a lot, we try to learn him but it's hard. I love him so much it hurts.

My DD's are both cherished, I love Esmee's creativity, her artistic input, Aranka is a weird girly, very very much like me, blabbing and shouting and a real 'dragon' she's fiercy and spicy, but with such a charm.

My kids are threated equal, no means no to all 3, nobody gets extra favoritism. BUT when Esmee falls and has real pain, I'm willing to carry out a nice little pressie from the closet, or when Jeroen has to have a tooth pulled, or when Aranka is very upset....they know that I can spoil them one by one I will never forget the other 2. And NEVER will I compare grades or things they do, they each have their own uniqueness, they each have an own set of brains. Esmee isnt that smart but she has so many other great things and in the end she will make it just as well!!!

Hom74 · #21 (**permalink**) 05-21-2007

{{HUGS}} to all. Relationships w/parents do have a great effect...even when we are parents ourselves.

I a 30 year old woman w/my own girls...and there are a LOT of things I wonder about. And I do think that what they say has a very great affect...throughout our lives. I see my mom and dad several times a week...they live 5 blocks from us lol. They worked hard - yes...but sometimes I (as well as my sister) wonder if they love us...if we were ever 'cute'...if we could ever do anything right! Our grades and behavior was always compared to their friend's children and then they would scold us when we would talk back and say "well so and so's mom bought them a car...how come you didn't buy one for us??" lol Well obviously...comparisons only go one way in their eyes lol. And whenever there's a 'dispute' between me and another family member...they always take the side of the other person. Yeah...so i've always grown up w/the feeling that whatever I touch/do...it's wrong. Not good for someone as self-conscious as me lol.

But what really made me wonder was finally becoming a mother and all the love I have for my kids. Is it really silly to wonder if your own mother loved you? If you were ever 'cute'. I mean...my mom is still alive and we see each other all the time and I just can't bring myself to asking her these questions. Maybe I'm afraid of the answer. Maybe I'm scared of more stories about how I failed in this, this and that.

And especially after finding digi-scrapping...how I was journaling on my LOs. Sometimes I felt kinda cheesy or mushy...but I kept just being honest in my journaling b/c they were true - and I'm so happy for how wonderful my girls are

I wonder how our relationship will be in a couple of decades....honestly I'm scared that it will be similar to the one I have with my mom. Very scared

I mean...we are civil...but I long for the closeness, kwim.

Honestly, I have a wall over my heart...hard hearted now. I'm pretty plain face whenever we are together. But there will be occasions where certain attitudes or something said will bring back a flood of all the negative things they've said. I'm the oldest, and my younger sisters feels somewhat the same way. It's strange, but at least we have company in each other. There would be a period of time where I just feel yucky after being with them...and then I will mention something to my sister and we totally feel the same way. Geez...I hope my girls will only feel comfort and love and being ok w/themselves when they are with me!

Anyways...you are not overly sensitive. You are a bigger woman than she and the one acting the adult. You are doing such an amazing job. You know what...I don't think you can ever get her to see that...she views people the way she does as sad as that is. Your children will know all that you've done for them...ok, they might not know really fully all we do...but they'll know enough to love you and respect you.

bkempf · #22 (**permalink**) 05-21-2007

oh hugs to you all, these stories bring tears to my eyes...
I feel so badly for women and children in society...we aren't protected and our children certainly aren't from all the bad there is out there...we as mom's can do our best but when there isn't even any help from law enforcement or society, well it can be tough...Just look at all the poor women in prison because of something their boyfriends or husbands did...it just makes me so angry.
The wonderful bottom line to this all is your children's lives don't have to be like your childhood was and I am so amazed at all wonderful mom's I meet in digiscrapping that would do absolutely anything for their kids...equally...alot learning from their past and doing the best they can to change the cycle...Hugs and kisses to you all...I have so much respect for the women I come in contact with here...

pencildancer · #23 (**permalink**) 05-21-2007

Hugs for you.

It breaks my heart to hear things like this. I try so hard to help my kids and treat them as equal as I can. There are times when one needs help more than the other and thankfully when that happens the rest understand and often pitch in themselves.
My suggestion? Find a surrogate mother for yourself. We are out here.

I have one 18 year old 'daughter' who isn't mine and has her own family but she is here often and I plan to be in her life always because she has no support from her own family.
Diana

littlecountryquilts · #24 (**permalink**) 05-21-2007

See?? Everyone has a story..You are NOT alone and are NOT just being sensitive!! We have some great girlfriends here!
We can really only work on own own families (like our kids) and make sure they don't get treated like we did! I have great relationships with my [older] kids...we talk about everything! My ears are open for them! They need it in this world!!! I hope I'm being a great mother...we need not repeat the same mistakes our mom made!