Ok am I being sensitive here? - Page 2 - SBB Digital Scrapbooking Forums | Scrapbook-Bytes

Silly · #9 (**permalink**) 05-20-2007

Tracey, I'm the youngest with 2 older brothers. My mom and dad divorced when I was about 4 and my mom remarried when I was 6. At that time my brothers went to live with my father because they didn't like my stepdad. My mother and stepfather divorced when I was 15 and it was really hard on my mom - and I was the only one around to take it out on - I left and got married the day after HS graduation and was pregnant within a year (at 17). This is not to say that my mom didn't help out - she really came through to help me out with my son when I ended up divorced (duh, that's what happens when you marry to get away from home). But all the time she was helping, I had to hear about how great everyone else's daughter was and how great my brother (13 months older) is because he sends her flowers on her birthday (it's the same day as his birthday). Nevermind that I was the one that quit a great job and went to work for her so that she could continue to maintain her Manager position and keep her pension. Nevermind that I was the one that spent a week with no sleep at her side in a hospital when she suffered a ruptured anurism and that I was the one that now paid the bills, kept up the house, and drove her everywhere because she was unable to do so herself, while working, going to school, and raising a teenager. When she finally was a bit more independent, Willie and I bought her a little apartment. So she could sell her house and use that money to live on. The funny thing is that people now tell me all the wonderful things she told them about me - but she never said those things to me.

I only had the one child so playing favorites was easy, but he saw how I reacted to her hurtful words. We, fortunately communicate our feelings much better and have a great relationship. That's not to say that he thinks I did everything right - we just were able to talk about our perspectives and then let it go. And when he doesn't do things exactly the way I might approach them, I never let on, instead I support whatever he decides.

Tracey R (Haley64) · #10 (**permalink**) 05-20-2007

Raylene, hugs to you also! Sad to say but at least I feel better knowing that I am not the only one dealing with mothers! hehehe

I was actually talking to Bf about all of this and I started to cry (again) he has only seen me cry twice in 6 years! And both of them have been about things from the ex.
Then since my BF isn't the brightest or thoughtful person in my life either. I said I am just sick and tired of those that should love me treating me like S***! This must of touched soemthing buried in his chest and he offered to take me out for supper tonight!

Silly, wow tough position to be in as a young child! Hugs sweetie! yeah getting married to get away from parents is a huge mistake! Communication is key to everything while raising kids isn't it? Finding out what they think and feel is so important in letting them know they are ok!

It sure sounds like you turned into a gem, maybe that is what our mothers gave us...strength to carry on in the face of being stomped on!
Funny my mother always favored my youngest brother. Now he barely speaks to her and when he does it is not very respectful.
I am the only girl middle child, older and younger brothers.

Silly · #11 (**permalink**) 05-20-2007

Tracey, you are definitely not the only one - I've talked to many of my friends who were the only girls with brothers, regardless of where they were in line, their moms just seemed to like their boys better. You are also right in that their legacy is that we've become better, stronger, more sensitive, and more loving women. Thankfully my MIL is fantastic - I love her so much and think of her as my Mom too.

Tracey R (Haley64) · #12 (**permalink**) 05-20-2007

LOL I know I always wished I would have had an older sister so she would have broken the barriers with mom first!
Now it makes me wonder if this is the "only girl syndrome"?
I can't think of any of my girlfriends who were the only girls in the family.

BubblyKori · #13 (**permalink**) 05-20-2007

Tracey,

You aren't being sensitive, you're getting a raw deal from your mother. She obviously favors your SIL over you. Unfortunately, this happens too often, it isn't right, but you can't do anything. I would have called the SIL and ask if it was her idea, rather than let your mom dictate the change without verifying it. SIL might not have objected to your mom's change for fear of offending your mom, it may also have surprised her to learn of the change in plans. Manipulative people are counting on you not to communicate with others involved. If you are on good terms with your SIL, maybe you can confide in her and she could help deflect your mom on occasion.

May I suggest a wonderful book that helped me a great deal: Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward. She has a simple web site http://www.susanforward.com/ if you are interested.

(((Big Hugs)))

Tracey R (Haley64) · #14 (**permalink**) 05-20-2007

Oh you are so right about beting on me not communicating with my SIL and asking her about the change of plans! I wish I would have thought about that then!
Thank you for that link I am going to look at it!

bkempf · #15 (**permalink**) 05-20-2007

girl, big time hugs...I have to say that being raised by the mom that everyone is in love with...I so feel for you. I've been blessed and it makes me feel bad for my family and friends that weren't so lucky as I...about the brother and sil...around here...we call it the "baby jesus syndrome" some moms are just that way about her boys...it is bizarre, so she is going to be better to your sil than you so that her "baby jesus" son will pay more mind to her...
my grandmother...2 boys 2 girls...thinks the one son that doesn't do a damn thing for her is the best guy on the planet and all we hear is how wonderful him and his whole family is...when even she knows how his wife feels about her...very sad.
Just feel glad that you are beyond this...I am amazed at what you have accomplished as a single mom...feel proud ...don't let her get to you...sometime there just isn't anything you can do about it...its sad and unfair...your children are loved and well taken care of because you love them as a mother should...good for you!

shelleyrae · #16 (**permalink**) 05-20-2007

Its definately universal - and its remarkable how they manage to make you feel 13 again - I did everything right and still never did anything good enough and still don't really - moving hours away was the only thing that worked for our relationship i think but still it only takes a word or two to cut me right back down again - and my single, drug addicted brother with a police record is still the prodigal son.
I can only hope I am doing the right thing by my daughters and sons.